its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
