I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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