So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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