my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
