then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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