last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize