Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
