Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
