for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
