just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
did i just pee glitter
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
