We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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