we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i've created a new STD.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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