if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
