My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
