I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
