Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
