I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
