Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
