On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
