do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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