Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize