now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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