wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
