Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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