That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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