i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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