i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize