He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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