this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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