apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize