She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
