Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
