There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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