Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's Friday. Sex?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
