Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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