Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
