It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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