Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
