I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
