based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
