did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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