alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
