you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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