you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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