I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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