Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
