my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
