God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
