that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize