It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
