Moan for me like Helen Keller
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
