I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
