why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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