walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
