my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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