After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
