Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize