I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
