Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
