So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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