You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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