the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
