last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
