WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
