just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The beer is more important than you right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
