I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
