since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
