i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
