I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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