im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
