Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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