I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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