Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
