There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
