I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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