just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
