is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
