I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
