Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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