Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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