pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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