I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
