Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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