She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
