walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
