He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
