Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
