Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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