wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
