I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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