I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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