hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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