Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't deserve a penis
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize