Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
