They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
