i barfeds in our rink
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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