In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
