I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
