If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
