i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
