Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
