My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
